The Proposal
It was a
Tuesday. I was on the back of the tandem bike while Sadrac was driving. He
released the news that he’d had a good talk with my dad. Boo is often unable to
contain his excitement or news, so he proceeded to tell me that he had asked my
dad for permission to marry me. We pedaled onward. It was July 26th.
On July 27th,
which was Matt’s 24th birthday, we went out to the infamous Shady
Maple Smorgasbord for a big breakfast [ http://www.shady-maple.com/smorgasbord];
we stopped by to see Mel & Nate’s twins; and then we got invited into a
spontaneous talk with Mom and Dad in the family room. It felt like a “fake”
spontaneity to me because my parents are typically very intentional with deep
conversations.
They
prompted Sadrac and me to join them in the family room to talk about how the
past week had been. Mom and Dad perched themselves across the family room from
us, as we sat on the couch. Then they got up and moved in closer, saying that
they didn’t like feeling so far away. As we sat near, I felt enveloped, as in a
warm hug, as some of those I love the most sat touching me on both sides. Dad
began to ask reflective and evaluative questions about how the four previous days
had been and how they had matched up with expectations…
…The night before I left PAP for the
summer: And conversations about the future
The
evening of June 6th, Sadrac and I went out to dinner at our favorite
Mexican restaurant in Port-au-Prince (PAP), Haiti—Aztec. [ https://www.facebook.com/aztecayiti/
] We aimed to make the most of my last night in PAP before I would fly out for
two months to be with my family during summer break at the school where I
teach.
As Sadrac
bid adieu that night, we ended with sharing predictions for our future
together. The question, “What is the soonest we would get married?” brought a
series of responses. The first major hurdle was Sadrac meeting my parents in
person—it was something that I wanted to have happen before we would move into
an engagement level commitment with each other. So, with no guarantees on that
timeline, but with hope and desire for ideal circumstances, Sadrac verbalized
that the earliest we would be engaged would be this summer (after he would meet
my parents). Marriage could come as soon as December 2016. We discussed staying
in school housing (via my work at QCS) [http://www.quisqueyahaiti.org/]
for the remainder of the school year; and then the possibility of Sadrac
beginning to study business in the States as early as next school year
(2017-2018).
This
timeline was exciting. It delivered the kind of joy you get when you dream up
something special—usually something that feels mostly controlled by fantasy and
with no promise for fulfillment.
The Visa Mountain
Uncontrollable
circumstances filled our brains. Tales of applying for a Visa to travel the
U.S. that had left many in disappointment or discouragement bombarded my ears.
It seemed there were 10 depressing testimonies for every positive one—if that
many. The tower, called a U.S. Visitor’s Visa, seemed insurmountable. It was
certain that only a miracle, a work of the Lord, would place a Visa in Sadrac’s
hands.
After a
frustrating application process online, 3 trips to Western Union to fulfill the
money order for the application, Sadrac and I sat down to sign-up for an
interview date. The date spun far into the summer—July 7th!! It
would not be until July 7th
that Sadrac would go for an interview. At that point, neither of us knew for
sure how long Sadrac would have to wait to hear if he’d been approved or
denied—which says nothing of the additional wait-time for receiving the Visa
in-hand.
I would be
in the States roughly from June 7th-July 31st (I hadn’t
purchased my return flight yet because I was holding out hope that Sadrac might
fly in).
3 Weeks of Silence (June 25-July 16)
I was
living it up in Ephrata, PA with Bethany, Andrew, & Matt and our parents.
FaceTime and iMessage kept Sadrac and I in touch, plus I had left letters and
notes for him for each of the days I’d be gone over the summer. I was hoping
these would keep us close even though water and land separated us.
Several
weeks into the summer, I had what I have now coined, my “sensitive Friday.” I
woke up in a funk. Half of what I was feeling was working through some things
personally. The other half was feeling like God was trying to speak something
tender to me. I wanted to receive it and put it into action. It felt like the
Lord was saying, “Return to your First Love.” I’d been in the Book of
Revelation the week before and read of the call to the church to do just this.
Also, I discovered the song “Hidden” by United Pursuit this day. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqa8O1ktxk8]
After
listening to “Hidden” on repeat eight or nine times, I was a crying mess. My
parents, who’d been out, arrived back home. I shared the song with them and had
a conversation with my dad about what I was experiencing inside. He challenged
me to take the invitation the Lord was extending—and “return to my First Love.”
He suggested I take three to four weeks without speaking to Sadrac. (He had experienced
a six-week separation from my mom leading up to their marriage.)
My initial
response was anger. I had been separated by land and water and now I was being
counseled to completely cut off my communication with my Baby. However, there
was something deep inside that knew this was the right thing.
I knew my
Father in Heaven was calling me to surrender. He was asking me to surrender this
relationship I held so dear.
Sadrac is
the first and only boyfriend I’ve ever had. I’d allowed myself to become close
to him, to lower my defenses, to withdraw my walls. How could my loving Father
in Heaven give me such a good gift and then take it away? The Lord seemed to be
saying that I needed to surrender Sadrac. He wasn’t saying that He would take
Sadrac away, but he wasn’t guaranteeing that Sadrac would be in my future. He
was asking me to be willing to get to a place where I could truly say I was
surrendered.
I chose to
commit to a 3-week period because this was symbolic of a yearly Daniel Fast
that I’ve done for the past several years.
God spoke
to me a lot during this time of separation and helped me to develop a deeper
trust in Him. I journaled daily.
Father-Son
My dad and
Sadrac had already begun a series of phone conversations to get to know each
other. My dad is an intentional and thoughtful man, so he had prayed through
and planned out the direction and questions that would go along with each meeting.
The comfort of knowing that my father was getting to know and approving my Boo
was more beautiful than I could have imagined.
During the
three weeks of silence, these two men got to know each other and in the words
of my mom, Dad was “falling in love with Sadrac.”
Visa Approved!
On the
morning of July 7th, I was Skyping my good friend, Rachel Quinter, when
I received a call from my father. “Sadrac got approved!” After making him
repeat the news, I screamed!
My parents
were at the Giant Store in Ephrata, PA when they got the news. According to my
dad, they did a happy dance in one of the aisles near the pharmacy. My dad,
being who he is, went up to the pharmacy counter later and explained why he was
so excited.
We would
later go into the same Giant Store in Ephrata, PA—the four of us: Dad, Mom,
Sadrac, and me. This time Sadrac pushed Dad’s wheelchair up to the pharmacy
counter to introduce Sadrac to the pharmacist who had seen the notorious happy
dance.
U.S.A.
Sadrac
picked up his Visa 6 days after his interview at the Embassy. He flew to South
Carolina three days later where he stayed with childhood friends.
The day he
flew out of Haiti was the first day after our 3-weeks of silence had ended. Timing,
huh?
A week
after he arrived in PA where I kept telling myself it was absolutely unreal to
expect that he would walk down the escalator in the Philadelphia International
Airport to be received by three Messersmiths. Sure enough. He stepped off the
escalator in a maroon V-neck, with a camouflage backpack. I played the reunion
in my head over and over again—before it took place. In my imagination I would
run towards Sadrac and jump into his arms. In reality I was too nervous. I
timidly walked towards him—afraid that the moment was not real.
It was too
good to be true.
It is
still too good to be true.
Over the
next week Sadrac spent ridiculous amounts of time soaking up the presence of my
brothers, parents, and I. We celebrated Andy and Matt’s birthdays; spent time
with Grandma; visited my friends; perused thrift stores; stopped in at the
public library; went to the House of Prayer; rode on my parent’s tandem bike;
counted squirrels; walked up to the store for donuts with Matt.
Oh, and we got engaged. Yes, the love of my life asked my dad
for my hand in marriage. And then he asked me.
Of course,
I said “yes!”
During our
week in PA together, we shared in the generosity of many. The experience of
having Sadrac in my hometown and spending time with people there who I love
dearly, was surreal. I still have trouble believing it all actually came to
pass.
Now…
Everything
has come together better than could be expected. Sadrac and I are constantly
reminded of this as we prepare for our future together. The Visa, plane ticket,
visit to my parent’s home, engagement, wedding plans, etc.
Just two
weeks ago we finalized where we will be living when are married. This is
exciting and another piece of our puzzle that we now have clarity on.
All of
these things speak to a continuous testimony of our Father in Heaven’s
graciousness and faithfulness. Sure, there were moments of uncertainty but
through it all God has given us gifts more abundant than I could have even
imagined. The sheer timing of how things unfolded is a testimony
in-and-of-itself—perhaps that will be a future post.
We are
planning for a wedding celebration on December
23rd in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, followed by a ceremony in Ephrata, PA on December 27th. We
would love to see you there at both or either!
Please
send me an email at messingwithyourmind@gmail.com
if you would like to be included in the details for these events!
