Close Call

Woven like a basket in and out of

Machine openings

Dodging past ditches, diving

Below ground level.

Dwat (right): past the National

Petrol station on the corner.

Through the street with pedestrians, merchants,

Mangos, fig, banan, eggs, fried food delights.

Revved engine, Bwini alerts, warns, intimidates

Crossing women, men, and children—not

Slowing down, but taking the right away.

Stuck between tap tap and wheel barrow

Overflowing with sugar cane—some sliced, others

Whole, long, uncut.

Inwardly, I perk up. Secretly craving a “close call,”

What a fool I am to seek such a thrill.

To my delight, my leg, my thigh brush up against

The barrow of sweet fibrous branches

Of sugar cane,

And I am instantly alive,

And I’ve had a close call, a touch with the street.

I know I’m a fool, but in the moments in between

Predictability and control,

My heart throbs to reach out and touch the

Edge, in small doses

Even though it might not be wisdom that entreats me. 

The Girl Child

My body aches internally,

Sobs of wretched pain

Felt by a child, a girl, a child.

Sitting at my desk frantically

Planning away the next 1 ½ week-destiny of

My 9^th graders in Freshman English.

Running something off the printer requires

A trip to the teacher’s lounge…

Which is only halfway to the street to buy a soda.

So I went the other half and stood in line for a refreshing cold one.

I noticed Monsieur John wore a raincoat,

One that has pockets in random, out-of-the way places.

I began asking him if he keeps anything in the sleeve pocket.

He said “no,”

But I told him that was a good pocket, and

He should use it!

All of a sudden a beating ensued.

Linda, who I bought my racy, hot pink shoes from

Stood over a young girl, beating her with her hand, her arm.

The girl began screaming and sobbing, but she

Couldn’t get away because she was up against a wall,

And standing beside two vendors.

I cried out at Linda, so did Vernes.

The child, girl, child dodged out of Linda’s path just as

Linda picked up a 32 gallon milk tin,

About to throw it at her.

The child, girl, child ran behind Vernes—

The sweet, meek one who sits beside

Monsieur Mark and converses with me when I

Step outside the gate to flag down a moto

Or purchase a refreshing cold one.

Vernes just stood there in front of the girl,

Casually leaning towards the wall.

The girl, now sobbing, was in pain.

Linda was furious.

Monsieur John attempted to explain to me,

As I stood mouth gaping open.

My heart was racing, and I couldn’t understand him.

Another customer came to purchase a refreshing cold one,

And I moved to the side.

Still stunned.

Monsieur John responded again, and

I asked if she had taken something.

I believe the answer was “yes.”

Vernes helped respond as well as I asked her how the girl was

On my return inside the gate.

I guess she stole something.

She gave me something in return,

An internal chill…

Does the child, girl, child have a mother waiting for her? 

Back

Back home in a new house. It feels good to be back in Port-au-Prince again—reconvening with friends; planning out a focused school year; asking God to give me the grace, wisdom and understanding to walk this out; situating myself in a new abode (that has a balcony!); and putting my spotty Kreyol back into action! J Oh, and finding my way back to Monsieur John’s Coke stand!

I am thankful for a year to look forward to. I am thankful to start a new year, with new knowledge, new direction, and people to encourage, support, and guide me as I go. Last night, the Lord led me to this verse:

“I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.” ~Psalm 119:60 This is my heart (and when it’s not what I’m driven by, I pray that the Lord would redirect me).

As I’ve been unpacking my boxes and suitcases over the past week, I am mindful that it is a symbolic analogy to the path of my life. I think the Lord is on an ever-existing mission to draw me close to Him and bring glory to His son via my own unpacking. When I am open, bare before him—vulnerabilities, struggles, issues, insecurities laid out—I make Him look good. And by His grace, He is most glorified when (by His grace), I am most satisfied.

So let my heart be filled with the joy that humankind cannot itself stir up. Let me be invigorated not of my own accord or from my own strength but from a divine source that never stops pouring forth.  

The Anchor

Order and chaos

Never mix to become one.

Order is handed over to chaos

Or chaos is transformed into divine.

Place-holding order.

Designàorder.

Everything in its place,

In its right mind.

Each molecule representing

Intention; pure design.

It is not rule linked with

Rule but rather

Place setter set at its

Boundary line.

Motivation, devout, purpose

Set & fulfilled.

Hold open your hand and be

Poured deeply into.

There is grave for regression;

Hope for the mislead,

But weather the storms,

Release the fight, cling tight;

The Anchor will sustain you,

Maintain you.

Upright soul: there are

Plans pouring forth from you.

He has made you, placed you,

He is taming you, has already

Named you,

Rescued you, fought for you,

Cherished you and held you.

Out from the chaos responds a hope

That will drive you,

Quickly moving inside of you.

Hold tight and steady the quells

That swell into anxieties—

Throw back the chaos by bringing back order,

Restored, Lord.

Far removed from falling off the edge, you embedded and upheld.

He has heard you and will

take you where you never

imagined you’d go. 

(Written 12/17/13)

It Is Well With My Soul

Good Day!

Ahhh…I sit here, reveling in the peace I’m surrounded by in the home of my family. I’ve been back in PA for one month, and it is so sweet to be with my mom, dad, Matt, and friends. (My brother Andrew was here for a week and then left for Tanzania & Kenya!)

In another month I will return to Haiti for Year #2. J I look forward to returning, but I want to draw out my time here as much as I can!

 

I’m taking two classes online through Millersville University and I am loving learning about adolescent psychology and racism psychology. These match closely with things I’m passionate about, and the process of studying is, although long and sometimes tedious, teaching me a lot.

Dr. Hirt & me :)

Being back with people I love and not having many responsibilities is a great path to rejuvenation and refreshment.  

I had the great privilege of seeing Holocaust survivor Joseph Hirt speak a week ago. I studied the Holocaust with my 10^th grade class and the study of this significant event and tragedy in history became a slight obsession as I searched through research and read more than I could bear at time. Hearing Dr. Hirt speak was healing to my soul, as he shared the steadfast love of the Father despite times of unbearable pain.

Here are a few of my musings and some verses that have hit me over the past month:

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.” ~Psalm 19:14

The tension tears, tempts, trickles

Into fibers new and old.

Where, Oh Truth of God, do You

Reside?

Turn my heart to You, O Lord,

Break contempt in my words,

My searching, my pondering.

Let me flounder if it be in Your arms

And in the safety of Your love.

The beat of His heart turns longing from distant shores

To the bent of His plan.

Holy, Holy,

The day becomes clear and I hear my

Heart’s cry, challenging my questions

To rest.

Worthy, worthy,

My cry begins to meagerly blend

With the throng of Heaven in distant places.

The beauty of a backyard. :)

Oh, but a small part I play,

Oh, but a stranger in the places I call home,

Oh, but a searcher, a wanderer.

A humbled block-head I run

After Your promises.

What be the treasures You save for me up there?

I have none of lasting measure here!

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me

All the days of my life.

Give me the grace to ascend Your Holy Hill

With clean heart and pure fingers on these                                                                               hands.

Dezam Trip with Jen & Linda :)

Natural fence to keep cattle in (cacti!) 

He holds me so well,
and He knows my name.

He leads me through hope-laden
valleys,
and renews my spirit day
by day
by day.

There are no corners where
He does not hide with me.

My spirit comes alive when I am
alone with Him
and when I am aware of His presence.

He leads me with a gentle hand,
and I am never alone.

There are many spaces where understanding
grows cloudy,
and answers
become distant.

There are races that we are running,
and clocks we are trying to outdo.

There are seasons of labor
and toil
and heartache
and joy
and excitement
and refinement...all
with refinement.

And my heart grows fonder
in each moment
of surrender.

My lungs fill to capacity
with the sweet

A night out on the town! 

intentions of my Savior.

Where can I go where He
is not?

Where can I reside where
He is not?

There are no forests,
No rivers,
No mountains.
There are no places
where He has abandoned me.

My heart grows more simply drawn
into embrace
as He renews me.

I am washed by waters, clean.
Cleansing, bubbling,

MCC plants trees in old water bags to replant in the mountains.

Rippling through the places they go.




And now...the picture tour of the land I live in and love. :)

We perused the entire town to find these. :)

We slept outside this night. :)

Hymn sing-a-long! 

A friend we met as we walked along the canal. 

Jen and her orange! 

Madame Sarah birds' nests.

Refining water. 

Stanley took us through the riverbed. 

It's a....

Typical Jen & me.

The ocean view on the way home. :)

Musings of a Daughter

Tales from the trail,

Of a musing daughter.

…A few random responses to life.

This is a month of processing. Especially in the past couple of weeks, I’ve stepped into a place of seeking. I’m seeking to know more. Not just for the sake of knowing more but for the sake of knowing the truth, for knowing Jesus better. It seems this is a season where God is sifting through ideas, traditions, and things that I have held onto as “truths.” I desire to worship Him in spirit & in truth, and I deeply hope that this season will draw me into a more pure relationship with Jesus.

The school year is coming to a close in 4 weeks! It’s hard to fathom that it has gone by so fast. I’m so glad that I don’t have to be perfect or do everything on my own strength because there has been a lot of new territory to cross along the way.

Some highlights from the month of April include a hike to the Wynne Farm which is an ecological reserve. There was a lot of mist in the air, so it made for some nice pictures.

My discipleship girls joined up with another group to throw a party for the other group’s discipleship leader for her birthday. There were a lot of sweets. Yum. I love opportunities to joke around with and be a little more immature than normal...

Jim's B-day party...with Jen. :)

I’m finishing up my fourth Danticat book, and she remains one of my favorite authors. The one I’m reading now is called Brother, I’m Dying, and it’s a beautiful autobiography of her relationships with her father & uncle. I’m recognizing that there is a thread of father relationships throughout the books I’m reading…I’m also studying Night with my 10^th graders right now, and there are intense scenes with Elie and his father. I am reminded that I have been fully gifted in this area. I am reminded of the blessing it is to have a father, to have a loving relationship with a father, and to know that your father cares for you and is praying for you. Thank you, Dad! Thank you for leading me well, and for leading me into my Heavenly Father's ways. I’ve had the gift of experiencing a loving relationship with my dad, a reflection of the father relationship God’ children are able to have with Him.  

On the trail with Linda. :)

Here is a snippet of musings from this month:

We will pave the way together,

Through the path You have paved before me,

Hand in hand we will walk together.

We will walk through fire, we will walk

Through pain.

But I will be changed, ever, into your likeness,

As You hold my hand.

As You lead me beside the

Waters that are quiet,

Quieting my soul and reckless spirit.

And even as You take me into the presence of

My enemies,

I will rejoice, I will dance.

We Are...Generation

We are a last-minute generation,

Never savoring, fulfilling temptation generation.

We are a non-committing, no retention line

Of young adults,

Who blow smoke screens because we don’t

Want to get roped into doing anything we

Don’t want to do.

We are a “find a way out of it,”

“Maybe, I’m not sure,”

Ignorers of RSVP ASAP,

You’re-lucky-if-we-give-you-an-answer generation.

We’re loaded up with narcissism and ego

Flowing out in sarcastic, self-inflated jokes,

But we bear the weight of poignant insecurities,

Poking us all over like acupuncture needles never

Dislodging.

We are ironic…the lives we live crossed

With what we believe and how we perceive it.

If this were a game of “match,” our realities would

Deceive us.

We are a lost generation, but not a

Forgotten generation.

We are a struggling generation, but not an

Irreconcilable one.

We are reachable, can be teachable,

And our eyes will be turned Heavenward,

When we break open our minds and let our hearts

Inside the skull to do a couples’ dance with brains well-trained.

For just as the created world we inhabit will be

Redeemed, we will be “liberated from…bondage

To decay and brought into the

Glorious freedom of the children of God” (Romans 8:21b).

For Jesus is the reconcilor and he is reconciling

All things to his dad.

And my bones long for restoration,

Rejuvenation and the hope of reconciliation.

I don’t want this inward throb to dissipate,

The cancelled-out reward of anticipation.

We are a thrill-seeking generation,

Fill my bucket list generation,

Jump-into-icy-water-just-to-feel-something

Generation.

Wake up, dear sleepers,

Harness the freedom

That will fill our pulses,

Ever urging us to eat up,

But never leaving us needy…

The irony of fulfillment that never fails to feed. 

Arise and Shine!

“Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear or be dismayed, for the LORD God—my God—will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord.” ~1 Chronicles 28:20

First night here! :) 

Just as the Lord called the Israelites to serve at the House of the Lord, so I am also understanding the call to just do it and not grow weary or dismayed as I finish out my first year at Quisqueya Christian School. J Tomorrow we will begin the second week of the 4^th quarter! It’s truly hard to comprehend that more than ¾ of the school year has passed.

The Barbancourt Rhum Room 

Exciting news from March includes the wonderful visit from my mom and Matt! I still cannot believe that they were actually here—walking the streets I walk, sitting in the classroom I teach in, hanging out in the room I live out of, and meeting friends I’ve made here. It was a blast! We got to travel to the beach and the countryside, so they got to experience some of the diversity of Haiti. We had a relaxing, sweet time together. It’s the first time my mom had been out of the country since she was 17! She said she’s already thinking about coming back next year. J

School-side: We’ve begun reading the memoir Night by Elie Wiesel in my 10^th grade class. Like never before have I been struck by the appalling horror of the Holocaust. As I research, a sickness grows in my stomach. This intense dehumanization of millions of people is unfathomable. To see these documented in pictures, videos, words, interviews, is a harsh experience. My hope is that my 10^th graders feel and understand the reality of what humans are capable of and the choices that we are constantly making that determine outcomes of many motives.

Kenscoff 

In 9^th grade we are working through a short unit on poetry. They’re expressing themselves through creative and written outlets. It’s fun! Next, we’re headed into the dystopian world of Fahrenheit 451. I’m looking forward to that!

My English Enrichment class continues to do a lot of independent reading which is interspersed with reading to 2^nd graders, reading outside, and trips to the library.

The middle school classes I help out in are working through speeches and profile pieces. They’re vivacious and unpredictable. J

Can you see the crab?

Life remains fresh and interesting as I continue to press on in my Kreyol learning. I just joined a Bible study group that a few of the cafeteria ladies do each week. I went for the first time 2 weeks ago—we prayed, read the Word, discussed the passages, and prayed some more in a mixture of Kreyol and English. I am looking forward to these meetings!

My moto adventures (riding on the back of public motorcycle transportation) are getting richer every day. I went out to eat with my high school discipleship group on Friday and tried to communicate with Monsieur Mark (my newly regular driver), how to get to Pizza Garden…I’d never been there before. After a bit of miscommunication because of my lack of Kreyol vocab, we figured it out! The time with my discipleship group was filled with laughs, sharing, food, and fun. J I’m honored to share life with these girls.

Night at the beach with Mom & Matt

God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Adversities come and go, but He is never changing. He is salvation bringer, peace wielder, and love bearer. All praise be to Jesus Christ for He is holy and is making me ever more into His likeness (little by little).