What You WILL

What you WILL. What you want. What you desire, Lord. What does that mean? How ought my heart to translate the word “surrender?” Surrender means to completely, full-heartedly release and submit to other. It means to cut off self-opinion of how things should fit together, how things should work, what the process should be, what the pieces of the journey should look like.

Submission. I will lead…NO! You will lead; I will follow. I won’t try to sneak up beside Your right outstretched arm and steer the course a different way. I won’t try to tame Your ways that are too wonderful, for they are “too lofty for me to attain.” I won’t try to take the course of my life a different way; You are my anchor, my steadfast; I will obey. I won’t entertain the thoughts of how it could’ve been and what I did wrong or who I might’ve known or fallen in love with or what I could’ve attained had I gone a different way, followed a different prodding, glanced a different direction. I won’t allow what is to deflate who I am. I won’t welcome sinister mind-propelling reasonings to drain life from within me.

I’m actually going to give you my mind and ask you to insert wisdom and understanding into my head. I’d also like you to peer into my heart and to search through it. What’s in there that doesn’t look like the beauty that was part of your design? I know you’ve got a blueprint that is full of radiant color for the contents of my heart. I know that it is a beautiful blueprint because it is a reflection of the glory that rests within You and the light and life that penetrates through every vibe of Your being and existence.

I know that You are a designer, an imagineer, a lover, a perfector. I know you are a truth-breather and liberator. I know You are a glory to behold and a glory to imagine. I know that You are holy, holy, holy and I want to know what that’s all about. What is it all about? Is it about knees on the ground, heart on the ground, brain on the ground, body on the ground, pride on the ground, preferences on the ground?

Is it no longer about what’s on the ground but who’s above and worthy to be seen? Is it not so much less about me and so much more about You?! Isn’t it You on the throne, and You in the temple? Is it not You who cannot be contained? Is it not You who separated the seas and created the spaces in between? Is it not You who dreamed up the complexity of seasons and comings and goings and eternity, freedom, and love? Is it not You in the Holy Book and You in the desert and You in the spaces where we walk and talk and live and breathe? Is it not You who imparts presence throughout time and space? Is it not You who imagines and gives life to the creations in Your mind? Is it not You?

Lord, your will not mine,

Not my hope but thine.

You’re the author, maker, creator,

Designer, cultivator.

I have no need to hold on to what was,

Or to hold back from what can be because

I have pleased myself

Until the pleasing has made me sick in the stomach,

And the pleasure has

Tied knots in my spirit.

Pleasing to You now, Lord, is what I will,

A pleasing aroma to Your senses is my desire;

It is my desire to emit a physical, heart-centered, emotional, spirit-filled

Response to Your will, Your desire,

Your plan,

Your Heart.

“Your Kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.”

Steps So Sweet

I'm hoping to know a little more each day--about God, myself, the world, the people around me, the way things work...and how these all blend and thrive.

Sustainer. He has initiated me on this journey, in particular this next step of it, and I am eager to lean in.

I thirst and hunger for more. More what? More ANYTHING! Sweeter love, wider eyes, deeper ears. I long for a heart that beats with eyes that see and ears that hear what Jesus sees and hears. So, step I will into the next print on the ground, and I will keep stepping because onward I go!

Haiti wasn't even on my radar. I only knew it was where I was meant to be when the peace of moving there to teach English at Qusiqueya Christian School spread throughout my being one Saturday night on my way home from a four-hour Passover Service. The undecided choice to remain in my current path or to move on to a new one lingered in me, no resolve. I sought clarity for weeks to no avail. Then the peace came. It was the peace that spread through me, and I knew I had my answer. The opportunity to teach English in Port-au-Prince captivated my attention for sure. The chance to disciple a small group of students resounded with a note in the song my heart sings, and the promise of ministering to lives beyond the classroom through after-school activities impressed every part of me.

It's a combination of all my favorite things: students, discipleship, community-living, teaching, English, Jesus, challenge, travel, new culture, warmth (sun & atmosphere), foreign language, freedom to be, and the chance to learn new notes to add to the song I sing. :)

I have a lot to learn and a lot to prepare. Here I come, Pearl of the Caribbean!

Here I Step
So here I step
and I don't claim to know,
All that came and all that follows,
Too much, too wondrous for a mind to decode
are the ways of this journey that unfold.
Each piece is held, cherished, unveiled,
As time flows,
But not too soon do the petals open.
For what fun would it be,
What credit would be claimed,
If the beauty were predictable
and revealed with no anticipation,
No thoughts to disguise what reality may be,
No one to get-to-know through the waiting,
No mystery?
I'd prefer my foot moved forward,
Even into shadows, quickly fleeing,
Than stand with the photographs of
what's to come within me.
For the knowing deep inside,
Being sure of what I hope for,
Certain of what I do not see,
Is what the ancients were commended for,
And they were all living by faith when they died.
So here I step, here I go:
"Being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see."

He is the Rock; Haiti is the Island.